Bella Luna - Self-Love Journey

My Self-Love Journey

My Self-Love Journey

A Story of Trauma & Triumph
Bella Luna - Self-Love Journey

a vulnerable share about my own self-love journey, the signs of low self-worth that showed up for me, and my first steps towards turning this trauma into triumph.


As a survivor of domestic abuse, my self-love journey has been a struggle to say the least.

I was abused in all the ways possible – physically, sexually, emotionally, psychologically, mentally, and financially.

For years, I was told, day after day, that I was ugly, fat, stupid, worthless, and worse. I was controlled, manipulated, gaslighted, and violated.

Each insult, each trauma, heaping more and more sh*t on top of the mountain of pain and self-loathing I would one day have to face.

Bella Luna - Self-Love Journey

Immediately after leaving my abusive relationship, I didn’t notice that mountain (probably because it was so high I couldn’t see it!). At first, I was so grateful to be out and to have my freedom back, I failed to see the underlying and permanent damage it had caused.

The Signs of Low Self-Worth

It was over the next few years that life gradually began to highlight my self-worth issues…

I had become a people-pleaser and had an inability to say ‘no’. I wanted so desperately to be loved and accepted that I would do whatever it took, even if it violated my own boundaries or went against my own needs.

I was a chronic over-sharer and often made people very uncomfortable. I had no concept of what was acceptable to share in given situations. I would blurt out my traumatic experiences in inappropriate places, giving explicit details, and then laughing about it.

I was forever seeking other peoples’ permission and approval. I was so used to living under someone else’s rules, being told what I was, and was not, allowed to do, that I lost all ability to make decisions for myself. Even when I knew I wanted to do something, I would look externally for the go-ahead from those around me.

I never celebrated myself, or even acknowledged, when I had achieved something. Milestones went by unnoticed as I was constantly trying to achieve the next big thing in order to ‘prove myself’ worthy.

I was consumed with overwhelming negative thoughts that I was hideous, useless, pathetic, stupid, and a waste of space. My inner critic held me hostage, constantly belittling me and putting me down. It was as if the verbal abuse never stopped, but I became the abuser to myself.

I thought I was too much yet not enough at the same time. It sounds contradictory, but I was scared of taking up too much space so I would constantly try to tone myself down and make myself small so as not to annoy people or be a burden. All while desperately trying to prove myself capable and worthy of love, then burning myself out in the process.

These were the basic building blocks for that mountain of sh*t I now had to face.

Moulding the Mountain

I have since spent the last decade climbing that mountain and chipping away at parts of it, bit by bit. And as a result, I have replaced that mountain with a pile of practices, techniques, beliefs, and strategies to build up, and solidify, my sense of self-love and self-worth.

I have now flattened and moulded this mountain into more of a supportive foundation that is working with me and not against me.

The first step towards my Self-Love Journey, towards moulding the mountain, was to get to know it. But the mountain was me, so what I mean is that I had to get to know myself.

You see, before we dive into the love part of this Self-Love Journey, we must first discover the self part.

After years of being controlled and manipulated, I completely forgot who I was. I sometimes describe it like how I imagine it would feel to be released from prison.

I had little sense of my lifestyle choices, my natural behaviours, or even my simple likes and dislikes, such as music, movies, foods, and clothing.

I had totally and completely forgotten who I was, so it made sense that my first quest was to discover exactly this – who am I?

This led me onto a path of intense self-discovery. Turning over every stone on my path to see what I could find out about myself and the world around me.

Once I knew who I was, I found myself more easefully moving into a place of acceptance of myself – wonders, weirdness, warts, and all. There was no escaping me, so I might as well learn to love me!

After all, you can’t love what you don’t accept, and you can’t accept what you don’t know.

A Continuous Journey

It might be hard to hear, and it might make some of you feel exhausted before you’ve already begun, but self-love is a continuous journey.

There is no magic wand solution where you suddenly love yourself wholeheartedly and stay like that forever. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work like that.

And as a Self-Love Coach I am no exception. I have to work at this self-love thing every single day. And while some days are easy, there are other days, darker days, where I struggle to show up for myself.

The difference is that I now know that that’s OK. And instead of beating myself up for having a ‘dark’ day, I don’t judge myself for not being 100% perfectly healed of all my pain and suffering (because, let’s face it, that’s totally unrealistic for most human beings!).

This is quite normal for someone with mental health challenges and traumatic experiences – some days I celebrate setting a boundary, calming my inner critic, and acing another coaching session. While other days, I’m celebrating myself for simply getting out of bed and putting on underwear!

Self-Love is a muscle

Bella Luna - everyday self-love

I share this story because I want you to know that I see you, I hear you, I feel you, because I was you.

Self-love is not something you can fix overnight (sorry there’s no magic wand with this one).

But the good news is, self-love is a muscle, and with regular exercise and practice, you can grow this muscle so that it’s strong enough to hold you through life the way you deserve.

An Invitation

I now invite you to consider your own self-love journey. Reflect on your life until now, where has self-love shown up for you, consciously and subconsciously. Where could you welcome some more self-love into your life?

What is your relationship like with your SELF – could you explore this relationship a little deeper? Do you identify with any of my signs of low worth? How much mountain moulding have you done, or could you do?

If you are interested in strengthening your self-love muscle, then take your first brave step, and join my RADICAL Self-Love Programme where I will share with you my formula for self-love.

Join my program

To deepen the most important relationship you have – the one with yourself!

Bella Luna - Self-Love Revolution

Good luck on your Self-Love journey

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Bella Luna - blocks to happiness

3 Common Blocks to Happiness

3 Common Blocks to Happiness

That are keeping you stuck.
Bella Luna - blocks to happiness

discover these 3 common blocks to happiness and fulfilment that are keeping you stuck in your current state of discontent.

The boom of the personal development industry has brought with it a deeper quest for happiness and fulfilment.

People are trying so hard to improve themselves, find their purpose, and live their best lives, and if you are reading this blog, then I’m assuming you’re also on this journey.

Maybe this quest has led you to try yoga or meditation, to explore Chakras and Ayurveda, or to buy yourself some Tarot cards and crystals (sustainably sourced ones I hope!).

These are all great ways to explore yourself, the world around you, and a Higher meaning in life.

Bella Luna Tarot

But I see so many people focussing so desperately on these practices that they often miss some of the key blocks to happiness that are keeping them stuck.

The main reasons most people are unhappy and unfulfilled is NOT because they are broken (read more on this in my blog ‘You are NOT broken, but…‘).

It’s because they lack the self-worth to know they are enough, the self-confidence to go after what they want and the self-belief to believe that they can do it.

This is exactly why I have dedicated so much of my life, and my business, to supporting people with their self-love journeys. Self-Love is the key to believing you are enough and to living a life of magic, meaning and self-mastery.

Block #1: You are held hostage by your Inner Critic

There is a voice in your head continually filling you with thoughts that you are not good enough, that you don’t deserve to be happy, and that you will never have it all. It’s time to reclaim this precious real estate in your mind!

Most of us have a voice inside our head that speaks to us. Call it your Higher Self, your Inner Being, the Divine, or something more sinister like your Inner Critic, your Monkey Mind, or maybe it’s even a voice of someone you love or that’s been overly critical of you. We all have one.

This voice has the power to be a kind benevolent voice that supports you living your most wildly aligned life, but it also has the power to hold you hostage, beat you down, and keep you small.

If you have the latter voice, the type that is continually filling you with negative thoughts, then so much of the good work you do on yourself will be in vain.

I see far too many incredible people not fulfiling their potential due to their inner critic holding them back.

I know you have so much to offer the world, I know you are capable of making a huge impact in this world – I see you. It’s time to tackle this head on – the world needs you!

Devoting at least some of your practice and attention on this aspect can be some of the most powerful work you ever do. It’s time to reclaim this precious real estate in your mind!

For support with this, check out my self-led course – Calm your Inner Critic.

Block #2: You feel you are too much yet not enough

You constantly flick between toning yourself down and making yourself small, while also trying to prove yourself capable and burning yourself out in the process. It’s time to stop people-pleasing and step into your true self.

It sounds contradictory to feel you are not enough AND too much at the same time, but I see so many powerful people with this internal battle, distracting them from living an authentic and wholehearted life.

When we feel we are not enough we have a tendency to lean towards perfectionism, people-pleasing, and not being able to say ‘no’. This leads to us taking on too much, violating our own boundaries, and becoming overwhelmed and burned out.

When stuck in the not-enoughness of life, you will constantly try to prove yourself worthy of the people, opportunities and things in your life.

Never trusting that you are loved unconditionally, and permanently terrified that if you aren’t perfect at all times, everyone will leave you and you will be left alone in this world.

Equally, when you feel you are too much for people, or you have constantly been told to be quiet or to stop being dramatic or overreacting, you end up toning yourself down, making yourself small, and becoming a lesser version of yourself.

You try not to make a fuss about things that matter to you, you often keep your opinion to yourself for fear of offending someone, and you rarely tell people around you if they have upset or hurt you.

These characteristics derive from a lack of self-worth and belief that you are not lovable as you are. That loving you is completely conditional. Conditional on you being the person they want you to be at all times.

The antidote for this is moving into a place of acceptance of who you really are and that it is impossible to please everyone. So, you might as well start pleasing yourself – life is a lot more fun this way too!

Block #3: You are too focussed on reducing the ‘bad’

Bella Luna - blocks to happiness

So much of your brain capacity is taken up with negative thoughts and self-deprecation. But the best way to reduce negativity, is actually to increase positivity.

It’s time to re-focus on fun, play and positive vibes!

When working on eliminating negative thoughts, I see a lot of people focusing on this exact thing – how to eliminate the negative thoughts.

But the most effective (and fun!) way to do this is to simply increase the positive.

We all have a limited capacity for thinking throughout the day, let’s use 100% to represent this. If 75% of your thoughts are negative (which is statistically likely), then 25% of your thoughts will be positive or neutral.

If you work to reduce this 75% negative, you will actually just be left with a void space, with nothing in it at all. This isn’t really possible so it’s likely the void will just become filled up again with negative thoughts.

Afterall, where is your energy focussed when you’re thinking ‘don’t think negative thoughts, don’t think negative thoughts‘. That’s right, it’s focussing exactly on that, the negative thoughts!

However, if you focus your attention on increasing positive thoughts and experiences – reading inspirational books, spending time with fun people, or watching reels of silly animals videos – then this 25% will begin to increase, in turn, decreasing the percentage available for negative thoughts to creep in.

So, instead of focussing on reducing the negative, just focus on increasing the positive. This is a much more fun way to live!

An Invitation

I now invite you to consider all the ways in which you can begin to increase the positive in your life. It can help to make a list of all the things you do in your life that bring you joy, that make you smile, and that put you into a positive mindset.

If you start sinking into thoughts of ‘I don’t have time for this‘, then consider writing a list of unhealthy, toxic, or just plain boring things that you can remove from your life in order to free up more space for the good. See, there really is no excuse!

Join my program

To deepen the most important relationship you have – the one with yourself!

Bella Luna - Self-Love Revolution

Good luck on your Self-Love journey

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Bella Luna - Self-Love Sleep Practices

6 Simple Self-Love Sleep Practices

6 Simple Self-Love Sleep Practices

So not having enough time is no longer an excuse!

Bella Luna - Self-Love Sleep Practices

discover 6 of my simple, yet powerful, ways to practice self-love in your sleep so that not having enough time is no longer an excuse.

I’m sure we’ve all used the excuse “I don’t have enough time” to avoid doing things that might be good for us. I know I have!

Whether this is true for you right now or not, I have outlined 6 powerful, yet simple, Self-Love sleep practices that you can start implementing today, so not having enough time is no longer a legit excuse.

These practices will take no extra time at all. Yes, you heard me correctly – NO EXTRA TIME REQUIRED FOR THESE PRACTICES!

So, if you are serious about showing yourself some more tender loving care, and want to utilise your sleeping hours for maximum impact, then keep reading.

Bella Luna - Self-Love Sleep Practices

Although I would love it if everyone took their Self-Love journey more seriously than just practicing in their sleep, I do appreciate that many people have very busy lives working, parenting, healing and simply living.

This is exactly why I like to regularly give out tips for how to practice self-care and self-love in easy, simple, and quick ways that don’t take up much of your precious time.

If this sounds like something you’re interested in, make sure you check out my previous blog, ‘My #1 Everyday Self-Love Tip (even when you are super busy)‘, for more juicy Self-Love tips.

Self-Love Sleep Practice #1

Play affirmations, meditations or sleep hypnoses tracks while you sleep.

These days, YouTube is a breeding ground for self-help videos and there’s certainly no shortage of sleep tracks for hypnosis, meditation, and affirmations.

You can even find ones for the particular need or desire of the moment. Whether you are looking for peace, clarity, healing, self-love, enlightenment, stress-relief, relaxation or manifestation, there will be a track for it!

The subconscious mind is a powerful tool for shifting your perspective and way of thinking. Positive sleep tracks like these will influence your mind on a deeper level.

And the great thing about this practice is that there is no extra work or conscious effort on your part, other than searching for the right track and pressing play.

Self-Love Sleep Practice #2

Invest in comfortable, pretty, and good quality bedding – think mattress, duvet, pillows, sheets, covers, etc.

When it comes to sleep, quality really can be key, especially if you’re a super busy person that simply doesn’t have the time to sleep longer hours.

Research suggests that a decent mattress can support your spinal alignment and general physical body, reduce stress, alleviate allergy symptoms, prevent tossing and turning, improve your immune system, and increase overall wellbeing.

I promise you, your body and your mind will thank you for it tomorrow, and in the years to come.

If you can’t afford a new mattress then you can always check out a mattress topper for a fraction of the price.

Self-Love Sleep Practice #3

Get some indoor plants for your bedroom.

Plants reduce carbon dioxide and increase oxygen levels, cleaning the air around you and providing healthier air quality, having a direct impact on your physical and mental health.

It has been proven that the presence of indoor plants can reduce stress levels, sharpen attention, boost productivity and improve wellbeing, not to mention they are pretty to look at!

Bella Luna - Self-Love Sleep Practices

Self-Love Sleep Practice #4

Invest in some pretty, comfortable pyjamas/night wear, or wear nothing at all (definitely no bras or knickers!).

It’s good practice to be conscious of the clothing we wear, especially while we sleep. And the number one thing to consider is comfort.

Are you comfortable in the clothing you wear to bed? If not, then this could significantly reduce your quality of sleep.

Additionally, it can be beneficial to wear more natural fibres, such as cotton, as these are more breathable and better for your skin, pores, and temperature regulation.

It’s advisable to avoid wearing underwear to sleep, including bras. Underwear prevents your bits from breathing and can lead to bacterial infections and general hygiene issues.

Likewise, bras aren’t comfortable at the best of times (hence why I threw mine out back in 2014!), but they can also cause breathing difficulties while you sleep.

So ditch the underwear as a Self-Love sleep practice!

It’s good practice to be mindful of the detergent you use for your clothing and bedding, as this can sometimes irritate the skin and hinder healthy sleeping.

Self-Love Sleep Practice #5

Count your blessings as you fall asleep.

Stop counting sheep and start counting your blessings as you fall asleep instead. This will increase your chances of having positive dreams, which in turn, will increase your chances of waking up in a good mood. A great way to set yourself up for success!

The practice of gratitude and appreciation has been known to create dramatic shifts in perspective and overall life satisfaction. Research suggests it can even improve your immune system and heart function.

Self-Love Sleep Practice #6

Additional extras.

Consider if there are there any additional extras that could improve your quality of sleep. Do you live in a noisy house or street? If so, consider ear plugs as a new Self-Love sleep practice.

Does your bedroom face East and get really light with the sunrise? If so, why not get a nice eye mask or invest in black-out blinds. This might also help you sleep longer if you’re prone to waking up early and want to gift yourself a lie in every now and then.

An Invitation

I now invite you to consider all the practices I’ve outlined in this blog and see which ones you can begin implementing today, this week, this month. If money is tight for you then consider the free options such as sleep meditations and counting your blessings.

Sharing is caring!

If you have discovered any other Self-Love sleep practices along the way, share them with us in the comments below so we can all learn from your wisdom.

Good luck on your Self-Love journey

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