7 Common Self-Love Myths
And the counter-arguments to debunk them once and for all!
And the counter-arguments to debunk them once and for all!
Just like with most things, it’s important to understand the full picture, and the reality of something before dismissing it altogether. And this is particularly true for something as life-changing as self-love.
Even if you believe there’s the tiniest chance that this self-love thing could change your life for the better, why wouldn’t you want to understand and debunk some of the common self-love myths that might be preventing you from soaking up all the juicy self-love goodness for yourself?
This couldn’t be further from the truth! Remember the oxygen mask analogy? You can’t take care of others if you don’t take care of yourself, simples.
So, with that logic, working on loving yourself can be seen as super self-less, because it means you will be better able to care for those around you.
Once you have this self-love thing nailed, you will likely have more energy to give others, more patience to offer, more wisdom, more positivity, more understanding. And let’s not forget that cultivating more love for yourself will also mean more love for those around you.
Self-love is a gift you give the world, by first loving yourself, and then by showing those around you how to love themselves.
One of the great things about deepening your sense of self-love, is that you will no longer be wasting so much time consumed with negative thoughts, second guessing yourself, or sinking into comparison. Think what you could do with all this extra time in your day!
Likewise, when you develop a deep sense of self-love and respect, you subsequently develop higher standards for yourself. Higher standards often leads to the desire to remove unhealthy things from your life, such as toxic relationships, endless social media scrolling, and other time-consuming bad habits.
This frees up some of your precious time for more joyful and aligned things, or just more rest and relaxation!
I hate to break it to you, but self-love can’t fix you if you’re not broken. And it’s impossible for you to ever be broken.
Yes, you can break a nail, you can break a bone, and you can break a heart, but you yourself, are not broken. I know when you are in the depths of the darkness it will feel like you are broken and unfixable, either full of pain, or completely empty inside. But I need you to remember that you never have been broken, and you never will be broken.
However, the process of learning to love yourself can feel very much like a feeling of coming home to yourself. It can feel like some of the puzzle pieces of your life are falling into place, and the parts of you that felt empty and lost are filling up and finding themselves again.
If you need more convincing on this one, check out my blog ‘You are NOT broken, but…’.
One of the great things about Self-Love is that although it does encourage you to work on yourself – to care for your body, to build a better life for yourself, to set powerful intentions – it also encourages some of those intentions to be about resting more, gently nourishing yourself and slowly tending to your needs.
In fact, self-love actively discourages the continual hamster-wheel of self-improvement as this is the complete opposite of self-love.
Buying into the perpetual never-ending cycle of personal development is like a declaration that you are not good enough just as you are, which of course, I know you absolutely are good enough!
And although self-love is a daily practice and a lifelong journey, it’s also a mindset shift and a re-programming of the brain, with all of its societal and cultural conditioning.
This means that there are times when you might have to work a little harder (particularly at first, or if you have a lengthy falling-off-the-band-wagon period), but once you’ve put in the initial hard work, it just takes a little daily attention and maintenance to keep it ticking over and active in your Being.
Although loving yourself will almost certainly improve your well-being and general happiness, it is not a magic wand solution to all your problems.
Loving yourself doesn’t mean that you can’t feel emotional and physical pain. It doesn’t mean that you will never be afraid, or heart-broken, or grieve over someone you love. Oh how it wish it were like this.
Instead, self-love gives you a platform in which to care for yourself more deeply in these times of pain. To listen to your needs, to give yourself permission to rest, to accept that you are doing your best in the chaos of life.
Self-love sets you up in a way so that when something external happens to shake your world (which it inevitably will), you have the tools, beliefs, power and strength to support yourself through it without it completely flooring you inside and out like it did before.
This one is hands down the most hilarious of the self-love myths. I have seen tons of people who have low self-worth and an abundance of self-loathing, yet they seem to have some very loving and supportive relationships in their life (yay for them!).
However, it is true that self-love births from it higher standards, higher self-respect, and a higher personal worth, often resulting in higher quality relationships.
Higher standards breeds stronger boundaries and an ability to assert your needs and desires, allowing you to be treated the way you want and deserve.
Self-love brings you home to yourself in a way that allows you to step into the fullness that is you. To become who you were always destined to be and to fulfill your potential in ways you never thought possible.
This alone is enough to make you an intense beacon of pure Source energy that will attract more aligned energetic matches into your life i.e. a more compatible calibre of partner and relationship.
Self-Love is for everyone, it does not discriminate. Self-love knows no difference in your age, gender, culture, religion, skin colour, sexual preference, objective sins, or lifestyle choices.
Self-Love does not care if you have mental health challenges or none at all. It does not care if you’ve experienced severe trauma, mild trauma, or no trauma at all.
Self-love doesn’t care if you are religious, spiritual, or atheist. It doesn’t care if you are super unhappy, mildly unhappy, or pretty joyous most of the time.
Self-love doesn’t care if you have tons of zeros in your bank or just one big fat zero. It doesn’t even care that you’re a good person or whether you’ve stacked up quite the selection of ‘sins’.
Self-love doesn’t care if you’re a million miles away from it or right around the corner. It will continue to call you home to yourself.
The online Oxford Dictionary defines self-love as “regard for one’s own well-being and happiness.”
To explain what is meant by self-love in a little bit more detail, here’s a quote from my contributing chapter in the International Best Selling Book Entangled No More:
“Self-Love is loving yourself unconditionally and without expectation, especially when you f*ck up. It’s about knowing your own worth and holding yourself in high regard. Self-love is taking action towards your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being. It’s about meeting yourself where you’re at and giving yourself what you need, even when you feel like sh*t.”
– Bella Luna, Entangled No More – get your copy here.
To understand this self-love thing in even more depth, check out my blog ‘What is meant by Self-Love?‘.
I now invite you to consider all the myths you might hold around the subject of self-love. What limiting beliefs might be holding you back from embarking on this magical adventure of self-love?
Then take each one in turn and play diplomat for a minute by arguing the opposing viewpoint. You never know, you might just change your own mind!
Sharing is caring!
Once you have got clear on some of the myths and limiting beliefs you hold, and have created some opposing arguments, I would love it if you shared your findings in the comments below! This will support those who might be struggling, to get even more clear on their own beliefs.